HAVING DECIDED TO WRITE MEMOIR FOR A LIVING has its perils. For me, it has some extra-prickly ones, since my only sibling has been teaching memoir-writing for 13 years, and has a disarming thing or 20 to say on the topic—plus she shares a lifetime of my memories. Now Marion Roach Smith has tucked her tactics (along with a number of our childhood anecdotes) into “The Memoir Project: A Thoroughly Non-Standardized Text for Writing & Life.” With our memoirist friend Katrina Kenison, we’re celebrating the new book and the very medium of memoir—offering six chances to win Marion’s irreverent little guide to writing what you know, whether in a whole book, a blog post, or even a letter to a loved one. Do you dare try?
Holding Marion’s latest book in my hands, I’m reminded how much writing my memoir, “And I Shall Have Some Peace There,” meant to me—which of course the tagline to her book’s title more than hints at with the “…& Life” part. I don’t think I’m unusual when I say that writing stuff down helps me sort it out; the act of writing has enriched and clarified over and again. Without a pen or a keyboard, I sometimes wonder if I could really think at all, or puzzle my way forward.
A couple of years ago, while I was sitting writing about dropping out of my longtime publishing career for a rural life and renewed personal creativity, Marion was an hour away, parenting, writing and taping a daily radio column, blogging, serving on boards—and teaching the art of memoir to wait-listed classes. Somehow in that juggling routine she was always ready with just the right memoir-writing trick on her blog each time I needed one to keep my own book on the tracks, and “coincidentally” helped me push onward.
If you’re looking for warmup exercises or a cheerleader who never says anything but “rah-rah,” wrong girl. Marion (above) is a do-er, and will expect you to be one, too—again, even if you simply wish to give your spouse an anniversary gift of some written facet of the years, or your adopted child the story of the day you met her. Don’t get my sister started on subjects like writer’s block (no such thing, she says—and believe me, I tried that excuse). Don’t tell her you’re doing your writing “exercises” when she asks if you’re at the desk working. Doesn’t count.
She prodded me to remember that “just because something happened doesn’t make it interesting,” and to never forget what the story is about: to ever-vigilantly keep the theme in a place of prominence. With an offbeat humor (maybe it’s genetic?), Marion takes you through the steps to success. Just look at her Table of Contents for a hint of how she thinks:
To write good memoir, Marion says, You Must Be Present to Win (Chapter 1), paying attention and telling the truth. You should channel Galileo in Walmart (Chapter 2) by not letting all the “stuff” in those crowded aisles distract you; focus that lens of your telescope. Lest you find yourself Having Sex With Roger (Chapter 3), keep your eyes open, the lights on, and a notebook by the bed, all in the name of creating The Barbie-Bodied Book (Chapter 4), whose whistle-stopping figure won’t let readers peel their eyes off your argument.
She dares us all—not just those pursuing the writer’s path professionally—to write it all down, and for that prodding I have usually thanked her (except when it exasperated me, in the way siblings cannot help but do from time to time; I get in my turns, I promise).
If I sound proud of Marion’s latest book—her fourth—in a more-than-sisterly way, a postscript: I am, because “The Memoir Project” got its start as a dare from me, the big sister. Year before last I challenged Marion to write what she knew—her class curriculum—so we could self-publish it and maybe, just maybe, get a major publisher to buy it someday. I guess I spoiled the suspense of that story by revealing in the first paragraph here what came to pass. Congratulations, Marion!
How to Win 1 of 6 Copies of ‘The Memoir Project’
MARION, KATRINA AND I are each giving away two copies of Marion’s new book “The Memoir Project,” and all you have to do to win is comment, answering the question:
What memoir that you have read mattered to you, and why?
Copy and paste your comment onto all three of our blogs to triple your chances of winning—again, each of us has two copies to share, and we’ll all draw winners at random (using the tool at random dot org) after entries close at midnight Saturday, June 18.
- Here.
- On Marion’s site, on her latest post.
- And on Katrina Kenison’s, author of “The Gift of an Ordinary Day,” whose message has been heard not just in print but by nearly 1.6 million YouTube viewers so far.
Now we are pretty flexible, we three, so even if you don’t want to name a book, or have a title but not a reason why, that’s OK. Simply say, “I want to win,” or “Count me in” or some such, and your entry will be official. But remember: copy and paste it on all three blogs, using the bulleted links above. Good luck! (And we can’t wait to see the booklist you help generate with your replies.)
I so want to write for my adult children, but I have the hardest time putting my thoughts on paper. My oldest son is going through some difficult times and seems to have forgotten what a wonderful childhood he had and only holding on to the negatives – his dad & I divorced when he was 4. I have the memories, I just need Lots of help to learn how to write them.
I’m in—I want to read this book (and my b-day is closing day). My choice of notable memoir is “For Those I Loved” (I have a weakness for holocaust survivor memoirs, also favoring “Night” by Elie Weisel). Martin Gray’s book (http://amzn.to/lKzKi3) was very powerful in terms of losing everything… twice, and going on to write about it, continue to find courage, love and meaning out of bleakness. Add in Victor Frankl and me and Kafka could stay up all night laughing.
I frell in love with Gladys Tabor writing about her home, Siill Meadow when I was just a child. She had a column in one of my mother’s monthly magazines. She wrote of her love of animals and nature primarily. She raised Cocker Spanials and Irish Setters and had Siamese Cats. No surprise that I have owned and love them every bit as much as she and her partner Jill did. I give her credit for my lifelong commitment to animal rescue. But even more important she taught me to open my eyes to the beauty of nature. Over the years, I’ve collected all of her books and I still love to read them in season. Your blog has reminded me of her from the first time I read you. She too found peace in leaving New York City and living much as you do. I hope you have the opportunity to meet her in her writing some day. She and I have been kindred spirits for a long time and you are welcome to join us.
I really enjoyed listening to Barack Obama’s memoir on audio, with him narrating it.
When I was a high school junior in the early ’70′s and having self-esteem issues and a father who didn’t think much of girls/women, I read Blackberry Winter by Margaret Mead (among other great books). She helped me envision other ways of living, to see the things that women can achieve, and gave me some of the courage I needed to leave.
Count me in!
My earliest memoir was the Diary of Anne Frank. This first real exposure to the horrors of the holocaust was shocking to me. Since then, I have enjoyed short trips into other people’s lives, including Black Like Me, and Night. I am interested in learning how to write about the significant events in my life, to learn to tell my story.
I would love to write a memoir of my life and all the struggles I went through to become the better person I am today. I must say it would be a very interesting story.
The Diary of Anne Frank — read countless times as a child.
Ms. Roach ~ I can’t help but be impressed by your courage to walk away from a secure job and look for your life – your real life – out in the country. Something I’ve ached to do for years but don’t have the hutzpah to do. At least not yet.
I began reading memoirs a couple of years ago because I want to write one about my father and his experiences in Nazi-occupied Poland. Not sure that actually qualifies as a memoir, since they aren’t my memories…
Hands down my favorite memoir is “Not Even My Name: A True Story” by Thea Halo ~ an account of her mother’s experience of the Turkish genocide of the Pontic Greeks and Armenians in 1914. I had never heard of this atrocity until I began doing research on war memoirs. It’s gut-wrenching and well-written.
Would love to win “The Memoir Project” because I need to get my father’s story written down before he leaves us…and he’s already 87…and I’ve never attempted to write a memoir before.
Peace,
~ Mikaela
—my last read was “Spoken From The Heart” –a very insightful memoir by Laura Bush.
Homeless To Harvard-very inspiring
Please include me in your drawing. Not sure if it qualifies as a memoir but I really loved A Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion. Eloquent, painful, and yes magical!
A mentor suggested that I trying listening to books on tape to help me with my anxiety. I went to the bookstore and purchased “It Happens Everday” by Isabel Gillies. There was no reasoning behind the purchase, other than I enjoy reading memoirs and that one looked interesting. I found myself spending more time in my car to keep listening to her. Her life literally changed in a moment and everything she once believed to be true was no longer. The ideas in her book have stayed with me and I’m realizing that I have to do what is best for me and my child and not necessarily what I believe to be good for everyone else around me!
Would love to read your sister’s book since I have enjoyed your’s so much!!! Am entering to win.
Bird by Bird, by Anne Lamotte. And the rest of her non-fiction. Insightful, true, leavened with humor.
I have been approached several times by friends and family to write my memoirs and have no idea of how to begin. Reading this book could be the inspiration that I need to begin my story. The biography that I have found so inspirational and powerful is the life story of the chef, Jacque Pepin. This book takes him from a young boy being an apprentice in a small kitchen in France to being one of the first famous chefs and becoming the best friend of Julia Child.
I usually am impressed by whatever I’m reading at the moment, which at this time is Margaret’s memoir. From troll dolls to Buddah and everything inbetween, I envy her garden life.
“The River of Doubt” was a fascinating book written from notes from the explorers, one of whom was Theofore Roosevelt. It was if I were there with them. The writing was excellent. To imagine being in a jungle so dense with infectious insects and having to portage boats countless times. It really gave me insight into Teddy and his quests to be the first. He was not a well child and he continually challenged himself, and his son Kermit to do the unthinkable. I do not know if this river has ever been navigated after their journey. Well worth the reading.
Having taken a memoir writing workshop with Natalie Goldberg last summer, I was inspired to start a memoir writing group at my local library. This endeavor has rewarded me with the joy that comes from expressing my self creatively and giving voice to my life. I have recently read Without a Map and The Memory Palace, both really good ‘mother memoirs’.
The memoir I would like to read hasn’t been written yet. My mother claims to have gotten started, but she is 82 and who knows how much time she has left? If I won a copy of Marion’s book I would give it to my mother as a gentle prod.
The Road From Coorain is one of my favorite memoirs, I’ve read it 3 times (so far). Ker Conway described her early life in the Australian outback so vividly and it’s inspiring to know how far she came. Having a mother with mental illness, Ker Conway’s experiences of her father’s depression and her mother’s mood swings really struck a chord with me. Am taking time off from paid work and would love some inspiration & guidance in writing my stories.
Blood, Bones, and Butter by Gabrielle Hamilton is the most recent memoir I’ve read, and I found it to be exquisitely written, very moving, especially the part where she spoke about her marriage. I love reading memoirs; choosing a ” best” is just about impossible. Like you, I will look over the comments for titles of unfamiliar ones recommended by your. Readers to get ideas for which ones to read next—
While I have read a number of memoirs, they have all inspired me to write my own. A few Christmases ago my lovely, and very thoughtful, daughter gave me a beautiful leather-bound book, entitled “The Story of a Lifetime – A Keepsake of Personal Memoirs”. In the Fall and especially the Winter, during those quiet times when I find myself inside and with a comfy pillow to support my back and a steamy cup of tea I truly become a welcomed witness to those long-ago personal memories. In my best catholic-school hand, my pen flows across the pages all that I remembered, felt, believed, wished. What a journey to go back in time! This gift from my daughter will be my treasured gift back to her, only completed, and I pray it will pass to my descendants so they will know who I was. Love to win a copy of The Memoir Project, it could only enhance my “memoir”.
I thoroughly enjoyed And I Shall Have Some Peace There (and should have written to tell you so months ago). What an original voice you have, and what a brave willingness to reveal potentially embarrassing personal stuff — a necessary attribute of any successful memoirist, I guess. I especially enjoyed the italic asides of you talking to yourself. Thanks, Margaret, for the many chuckles. A year or two back, I went on an infidelity memoir jag. First I read Happens Every Day by the talented Isabel Gillies, and loved it — the story of a woman who uproots her life to trek halfway across the country with her professor husband, only to have the bastard take up with a colleague in his department. It’s riveting and raw. Then I read Julie Metz’s Perfection, about a woman who discovers posthumously that her husband had been a serial cheater. I found that one annoying, in a Park Slope kind of way. Moved on to Cleaving by Julie (Julie and Julia) Powell, a tell-all (tell too much, if you ask me) about an affair she had, which made her apparently still ongoing marriage look pretty publicly pathetic, and by the time I got to Mary Karr’s Lit, I must have had it, because I couldn’t make it through. However, I later returned to the genre, reading and relating to Meghan Daum’s very amusing Life Would be Perfect if Only I Lived in That House. I’d very much like to read Marion’s book, though I have no desire to write a memoir myself. I’m too busy reading them.
I couldn’t put down A Homemade Life and was pleasantly surprised to find that the recipes were just as solid as the writing.
I really admire you for walking away from a secure job to pursue your real life out in the country. It’s something I’d love to do one day.
My birthday is a few weeks away and I’d love to win “The Memoir Project” because I would like to capture my mother’s story in writing and I’ve never attempted to write a memoir before.
One of my favorite memoirs is by children’s author Jean Fritz called “Homesick: My Own Story” which chronicles her experiences as an expat child living in China. Lovely story.
Would love to win the book!
Count me in!
Unfortunately, I could not choose just one…
Eat Pray Love, Elizabeth Gilbert. My dream adventure! One of my all time favorites. How amazing to have the ability to take such a trip! Raw, real life…. Elizabeth definitely describes issues I can identify with in spite of the privilege issue.
Gardening at the Dragon’s Gate, Wendy Johnson. Written by both a Zen and Gardening Master, this is a real treasure, packed full of gardening and life wisdom. This book can be read over and over again for new insights this very dense volume reveals each time.
Stolen Lives, Malika Oufkir. A life that could not be more different than mine. The princess describes heartbreaking circumstances and unimaginable horrors born of a foreign culture. The story is told with a certain grace that is admirable. This book makes me feel grateful for being born in this country, and for my life here.
Up Tunket Road, Philip Ackerman-Leist. I am currently reading this book. Philip was a philosophy major and is currently a professor at Green Mountain College in Vermont. He challenges the idea of the homesteading philosophy, that of being self sufficient and instead shows how interdependent we all are. A fabulous personal account of the Vermont culture, homesteading successes and failures, with unassuming, heartfelt descriptions of relationships and tales of personal growth. More proof (as if I need any?) that living close to the land gives life meaning.
True Compass, Edward Kennedy. My Grandfather was a police man in West Roxbury, MA and knew Ted’s father Joseph. The Kennedy family has so much publicity and hoopla surrounding it I could not help myself… the last of the Kennedy brothers and the end of an era.
Wish my grandma who rode motorcycles and farmed while wearing sparkling earrings would have written a memoir. We kept telling her too but her claim was “no one would believe it!”
I love memoirs and one that I made my students read was “Zlata’s Diary”. She was a girl growing up in Sarajevo during the war in 1992.
Thanks for the give away!
And the title of my memoir for my children is Fragments. I would love to read the book to make my writing more colorful.
Lost in Translation by Eva Hoffman, brought me into the life of a girl, uprooted by war from Cracow to Vancouver, and into her struggle to learn a new language and discover an identity. Hoffman is an insightful and elegant writer, literary and intimate in her spiritual and intellectual journey. Her story brought me closer to my half-sister, who also left a war-torn country as a girl and came to America with our mother who had married an American soldier. Because of Hoffman’s book, I have a deeper understanding of what it must have been like for my sister to leave everything she knew and loved—people and places and things, and what it means to always carry that nostalgia while striving to create “ a translation of one’s self.”
I just can’t get enough of memoir. I love finding out what makes people tick. At the same time I learn about history, lifestyle, fortune and misfortune. It’s a big world out there. I have been writing my own memoir. I think there is a story there… I am excited to see this book come along just as I could use some help with my “project.”
I would love to read this book it sounds very interesting.
Robin Lane Fox’s ‘Thoughtful Gardening’. The guy has written a screenplay and then played a part in his movie, written a beloved garden column for 40 years, is a respected professor at Oxford (and maintains the gardens) and he has gardened with some of the most renowned gardeners of our time. Yet, he feels a trip to the nursery to thoughtfully select a plant, return home and watch it grow is all that is needed for a life well lived. I can do that.
As an avid reader, memoirs are one of my favourite areas to explore. Diana Athill’s most recent memoir delighted me. She has written a series about various parts of her life, but the last one, Somewhere Near the End, reveals a strong independent and fascinating person whom I’d like to know. I’d also like to BE like her at her age (90′s now). WOW!
Count me in!
One of the first memoirs I read was, “All Over but the Shoutin’” by Rick Bragg. I grew up in a verbally abusive home triggered by alcoholism so reading Rick’s memoir made me realize that I wasn’t alone. I went on to read, “Ava’s Man.” Rick has a lyrical way of writing that seems to capture the true South and makes it impossible to close the covers.
Reflections on Faith and Art by Madeleine L’Engle. I haven’t thought about about this book in years, but it was the first title that popped into my head. I read and reread it until it fell apart.
I already commented once, but I just have to say, all these books people are naming are really expanding my notion of “memoir.” I keep going, that’s a memoir? Oh really, THAT’s a memoir too?? LOL!
“My Life in France” by Julia Child — it was not only a fascinating story about a warm and generous woman, but a good reminder that you’re never too old to learn new things or have your “Grandma Moses moment.”
I am always looking to see how others are overcoming, striving, and living their lives in the best way they know how. The books that have truly imprinted upon me and challenged me are memoirs.
“Shutterbabe” by: Deborah Copaken Kogan inspired me to study print and photojournalism in college.
“Under the Tuscan Sun” by: Frances Mayes inspired me to travel to Italy.
“Garlic and Sapphires” by: Ruth Reichl inspired me to go back to culinary school and become a pastry chef.
“Trail of Crumbs” by: Kim Sunee and “Eat, Pray, Love” by: Elizabeth Gilbert inspired me to love my life where it is and to appreciate that it’s ever changing.
“Infidel” by: Ayaan Hirsi Ali inspired me to be grateful for the amazing opportunities I’ve had as a woman born in the United States in this day and age. Her spirit and strength is incredible.
“Committed” by: Elizabeth Gilbert challenged me to really think about marriage and if I really desire it and why.
I’m currently reading “and I shall have some peace there.”
“The Writing Life” and “An American Childhood” by Annie Dillard. The first book showed me that writing is not just magic but hard work. The second was pure entertainment told in a voice that could only be Annie Dillard’s.
I read a memoir about Corrie ten Boom and I found it wonderfully inspirational!
Love memoirs! I’ve read lots of those listed above and now have a list of new ones to search out. I can’t name a favorite so I’ll list a new one I really enjoyed. Maine writer Susan Conley’s “Foremost Good Fortune” is about moving to China w/2 young boys, getting breast cancer, and learning to appreciate life wherever one may be. My brother and sister-in-law have been in Beijing for almost 10 years so her take on that city was interesting to me but I think anyone would enjoy her writing.
Thanks!
At first I didn’t think I had read many memoirs but after browsing the comments I recognized many there. None was an absolute favorite. I just love to read–almost as much as being in the garden.
Please count me in!
Submitted by: June Millette Fisher
June 18th, 2011
Hi Margaret,
Thanks for the opportunity to share these thoughts.
My best,
June
What memoir that you have read mattered to you, and why?
Reading May Sarton’s, Plant Dreaming Deep, changed my life. During the 1970’s when I was in my 30’s, I was faced with a huge challenge. A woman I’d admired since childhood recommended a novel by Sarton. After reading it I found my way to her journals. I recognized a way of living that felt right, was validated and though not easy, has been a quest since then. The lessons learned – the losses and gains have made me who I am today: an HR executive who walked away from prestige, stress and salary to become a seeker, reader, writer, decorative gardener and a much happier and content woman. Sarton’s respect for and need of solitude has supported me all of the years since then and helped me understand that telling our stories may be the most important writing anyone can ever do.
“Remember only this one thing,” said Badger. “The stories people tell have a way of taking care of them. If stories come to you, care for them. And learn to give them away when they are needed. Sometimes a person needs a story more than food to stay alive. That is why we put these stories in each other’s memory. This is how people care for themselves.” — Barry Lopez, Crow and Weasel
From: Callings: Finding and Following an Authentic Life by Gregg Michael Levoy
I used to re-re-re-read a memoir that I adored when I was in highschool. I was even able to recite it by heart and I still read it religiously every year. I have never questioned WHY I was so much atracted to that story. Recently, while doing almost accidentally work on “family history” I have found out things that proved that…my grand grandmother story was very much alike the one in the memoir. Huh!